Vlad Vexler on why it’s so difficult for someone to let go of an identity they’ve created for themselves even when it no longer makes sense – it feels like death.

Why do people become so extreme and resistent to change? Why do they not say, “enough!” when their leaders and role models go rogue? In a word: identity.

An identity is very hard to let go. I’ve been through that process more than once, and each time it was as if somebody died. Because they kind of did. Or more accurately, they melted into the rest of me.

But it was traumatic and I grieved. Suddenly I didn’t know who I was anymore or who my friends were. Ultimately, those changes made me a better, more whole person, but it’s a scary prospect. Too scary for many.

As we became more isolated in the real world, people began looking to the internet for a sense of identity and belonging. Social media algorithms naturally promote the most extreme positions, because they get the most engagement.

If you’ve attached your sense of self to a group of people who become convinced to follow an extreme ideology, you’re likely to go along.

I can go on an on about how the West seems to have lost its ability to think critically, but Vlad nails it so succinctly in the above video. In case you think I’m talking about the MAGA phenomenon, I am, sort of. But it’s not just about Trump. It’s about everyone.

I’ve seen this dynamic affect the left wing as well. Witness the drama and infighting over the last few years among progressive YouTube creators. I respect a lot of them for their ideas, but I’ve learned not to let them or their communities decide who I am. That’s not up to them.

I can’t let myself get pinned down by groups that become dogmatic or that violate my principles, because then I can’t grow. There were times in my life when I thought I reached my final form, but that always turned out to be an illusion. I’m 58 years old, but I have not stopped growing, and I don’t intend to.