Tag: Life

I remember you Avery, hope you got to wear that dress

March 31st, 2023

When I was around 7 or 8, there was a little kid I used to see in the nursery of our Southern Baptist church. I’ll call him Avery. Avery was about 4.

This was the early 70s in a small Texas town, typical Baptist church. Avery’s parents were decent and very active. I think the father was a former preacher.

When adults asked Avery what he wanted to be when he grew up, Avery would say, “I’m going to be a princess and have a pretty dress like Cinderella.”

You could tell it bothered them. “No you’re not. You’re going to be a handsome young man and have beautiful children.”

Avery would argue back. “No, I’m going to have a pretty dress like Cinderella.” As long as I knew Avery, the answer never changed.

I’m not one of those people who calls himself an “ally.” What the hell do I know about trans issues? I’m old. I used to be on the “wrong” side of politics. I use the wrong pronouns half the time.

But I know being transgender is not made-up, or sinister. I remember Avery and I know what I saw. I’ve since met other trans people – and they’re people, with hobbies and interests. They just want to live.

When I see all the cruelty directed toward trans kids and their families, I think of Avery and wonder if they’ve had a happy life. I’ll never know, but I hope Avery got to wear that dress and feel like a princess if that’s what Avery wanted.
Focusing on the absurd

March 30th, 2023

My wife just read me the New York Times article about Donald Trump getting indicted in New York. More dark clouds on the horizon it looks like. Maybe another street fight or two.

But there was something about that article that hit me funny…

How arresting the former Commander in Chief might work – he’d have Secret Service protection while he was being arrested.

How he will probably be fingerprinted but might not have to wear handcuffs, and if he does, whether they would cuff him in front or in back.

What a bind it would put primary opponent Ron DeSantis in if Trump defies the court and stays in Florida.

It just struck me how absurd all this is. It’s like a satire, like something Kurt Vonnegut would write. As much as Cat’s Cradle freaked me out, I love Kurt Vonnegut. Galapagos is also amazing.

It’s the way I deal, same way Vonnegut did when he wrote those two apocalypse stories. When shit goes bad, there’s almost always something funny about it too.

Whatever happens, you have to admit it’s a gripping story. If it was a movie it would be a blockbuster. I’d damn sure watch it. I’m already on the edge of my seat.

I bet Vonnegut is laughing bitterly at America right now, wherever he is. Not as funny as the ending of Galapagos, but pretty good.
Eaten any bugs lately?

March 30th, 2023

My dad spent a lot of time outdoors and knew a lot about the wildlife of Texas, including the kind of critters most folks just step on or ignore.

Each of those white spots on the lower pad are hiding cochineal bugs, source of an important red dye.

Dad knew which ones were harmful, which ones were useful. He loved seeing ladybugs and praying mantises in the garden. He taught me to be curious.

Once he scraped some white web-like stuff from the pad of a prickly pear cactus with a stick. “Inside each one of those spots is an insect called a cochineal bug. Indians used to get red dye from it.”

Dad didn’t like to squish bugs willy-nilly and neither do I – I’m the kinda guy who rescues insects from scared ladies – but that was a pretty neat discovery.

Sorry little bug. I promise I won’t do it again.

Now when I see those white spots on the pads of a prickly pear, I know what they are. And they’re not just a curiosity. Cochineal bugs are still important.

They’re the source of the natural dye carmine. You probably ate or drank some of it today.

It’s been a source of income in Mexico for a long time apparently. It’s a tradition I hope they can keep alive. Apparently that’s up in the air at the moment.

Interesting video about how cochineal bugs are cultivated in Mexico to produce the natural food dye known as carmine.
When cultures find each other

March 30th, 2023

Two Indian uncles listen to psytrance music: Blastoyz – Mandala

Had to pass this along. This really made me smile this morning. So much joy. I get that feeling when I hear their music too. I like the little bit at the end.
Maybe I can paint over that

March 29th, 2023

Guy Clark – Maybe I Can Paint Over That (fan-made video)

What I wouldn’t give for a proofreader some days. I’ve already made a few screw-ups on on this blog, though luckily you can fix those quickly now once you’re wife catches them.

it was hard on the soul when I made a bad one in the paper business. Write enough articles and you’re going to make a tone of mistakes. Especially when you’re chief cook and bottle washer and have to proof my your own copy

Word had a spell checker but there were so many other ways to mess up. Copy/paste mistakes really pissed me off cuz they were hard to explain. Lack of sleep was the best excuse I had.

You had to walk around with your head hanging low for a whole week. It really stung when you messed up a story you were proud of. you were proud of.

There were time4s when I was too exhausted to be embarrassed. I was like, oh well, I need to fill up a news hole on page 3. a correction will fill up this news hole on page 3. They’ll forgive me in a week. Maybe.

The tech we have gtoday would’ve helped if I’d had it back then. But then again I probably would’ve been laid off with the proofreading staff instead of sticking around till I felt like the Omega Man.
Deja vu all over again

March 28th, 2023

Sting – Russians (This one came out in ’85, one year after I didn’t get Raptured)

A friend just texted me a story about something the Chinese government said and commented “scary.” I wasn’t scared. Not scared of getting nuked by China or Russia. If you’re my age, you’ve heard it all before.

Those regimes don’t want to get Mutually Assured Destructioned any more than the US does. If it happens, it happens, but I’m not going to spend my time fretting over it.

I did enough of that as a kid. Movies and TV shows were full of nuclear apocalypses. I used to have nightmares about seeing mushroom clouds outside my window.

Being a Southern Baptist, those fears got mixed up with the other thing they taught us to fear and/or look forward to: The Rapture, followed by the Time of Tribulation (or the other way round, depending on who you asked).

In any case, I tried to mentally prepare myself for both.

Content warning: Upsetting imagery. The Christian Nightmares Tribulation Band covering the 1969 “classic” Rapture song I heard who knows how many times, “I Wish We’d All Been Ready.” (The films weren’t this bad, but I got a steady diet of this kind of messaging in the ’80s.)

I would get Raptured if possible. If not, I’d go through the whole Left Behind thing (same plot, but this was before the book series). If it was nukes, I’d wonder about who might want to restart the human race with me and where I might find a good cave to hide in.

It was an obsession when I was a teenager. I was like, can we get this over with so I can make the Rapture? I feel some sinning coming on and I can only hold it back for so long.

But there came a point where I had quit dwelling on it and live. So I did. As traumatic as recent developments have been, I still have to live as long as I’m alive. Sing While You May.

Strangely enough, I’m borderline obsessed with The Legendary Pink Dots and their singer Edward Ka Spel, who sing about all sorts of apocalypses. I find it cathartic. Exposure therapy I suppose.

Edward Ka Spel – Dotzsong
Remembering the fun part of church

March 23rd, 2023

Sarah Jarosz – Come On Up to the House

I didn’t much care for the Sunday service as a little kid. You had to sit still and be quiet and the sermons boring.

I do remember liking one sermon about monsters with lots of heads. Didn’t understand it, but it sounded like an awesome Godzilla movie.

Mom and Dad had church things to do, so I had to sit with lady who pinched if you talked. One Sunday my buddy stuck me with a hat pin. When I hollered, she pinched. Hard. He was a little bastard, which was why I liked him.

But after the service, church was a different place. The grounds became an awesome playground for hours, until our moms got done in the nursery.

The whole facility was our oyster, lots of places to hide and check things out. You could get into any room with a wire hanger.

We checked out Sunday School rooms, looked through closets, got into a room full of electronics which thank goodness we never touched. We slid down the stairs on our butts, flew paper planes in the sanctuary.

We showed some other boys and how to get in the steeple. We got caught before most of us could climb to the top. “What are y’all doing up here? I’m telling your parents!” The lady began taking names, but my buddy and I got away before she could ID us.

When we got hungry, we barged in on the nursery, stuffed handfuls of crackers in our mouths, drank Kool-aid from the pitcher and pestered our moms till they chased us out.

When they finally packed up the nursery and began turning off the hallway lights, we’d fling ourselves around the corner and go “Raaah!” Got ‘em every time.

There was a point where I couldn’t sit in a Baptist church without feeling like a liar. Some of the doctrines were rather traumatic for me as a young adult, in fact. But I did have fun and met some of the best people I’ve ever known. I feel like I should talk about both.
Fame’s glittery trap

March 22nd, 2023

I bet many famous people would agree with that statement. You’re surrounded by masses of people who “love” you.

At the same time, you’re isolated from them. It must feel like a curse at times.

David Bowie – Fame

If a fickle public turns on you, it will try to wreck your confidence and your life. Enemies new and old. Die-hard fans defending you in all the wrong ways. Stalkers who want to do a John Lennon on you.

You couldn’t pay me enough.

Internet famous looks even more horrifying, because it can happen so fast. I don’t envy it and I feel sympathy for those it happens to, even the “bad” ones. If you seek it and it happens, you’re the dog that caught the car. Like old school famous with extra death threats.

Being young on today’s Internet would’ve broken my brain. Being “known in town” was hard enough.

First and hopefully last paparazzi photo.

Creators at any age who handle viral fame with grace and integrity impress the hell out of me.

How hard it must be, competitors hoping to take you down at any moment, getting imprisoned by your own fan club who will punish you if you slip up or change.

It’s why I both admire and feel bad for today’s youth. They are so adaptable – I can barely stay on my surfboard anymore. But the anxiety must be crushing.

My wish for the young is that they receive what they’re really looking for, to find meaningful connections and be understood.
Sing while you may

March 21st, 2023

The Legendary Pink Dots – Zero Zero.

We’re all like the people in that song if we’re honest. Human beings have been searching for answers for as long as we’ve been on earth. Sad, but beautiful.

That’s why I love The Legendary Pink Dots’ motto, “Sing While You May.” However ugly life may seem, there’s always something beautiful in it. Usually the part that’s most human.

My wife, finding her joy at the karaoke bar.

I’ve concluded that, conscious or not, existential dread is at the heart of all extremism. In fact, maybe it’s the basis for all human behavior. Adult behavior at any rate.

No one knows what it all means or what comes next, whatever they may tell you. If they seem very certain, they’re probably trying to convince themselves.

Arguments usually amount to, “I am important, you are worthless” and “I know you are, but what am I?”

No one has the answer to “what am I?” We breeze right past it. But it’s always there in the background.

Scrape the paint off a violent extremist and you will find a person who feels worthless to the core.

Someone who can think of no other way to stave off fear of the void than to push that feeling onto others.

What could give you meaning, when the tools you’ve been offered turned out to be worthless or forever out of reach?

What do you have left? You’re alive.

So sing. Whatever that means to you. Sing while you may.

Me, doing Pink Floyd at Karaoke. No idea who the girl was, but she had a lot of fun.

Earth Wind and Fire – Sing a Song
News editors are people too

March 20th, 2023

Me, back in the day…

I wish somebody would write a song about a news editor that captured the way it felt when that was my vocation.

Closest I could find was “Newspapers” from Stan Ridgway (singer from Wall of Voodoo. Remember “Mexican Radio”?). He at least made an effort to see it the newsman’s way.

It was stressful, always being “on.” You never had enough help, but you got it done anyway. It wasn’t something you did, it was something you were. Until one day, you weren’t…

Stan Ridgway – Newspapers

Most songs about the news business take journalists to task for their bias – as we all should. But there’s another side: Staying till the end of a late night meeting so they wouldn’t slip something past you, driving pages to press yourself after an all-nighter, running racks on country roads late into the night.

I still can’t find a song about newsmen as good as “Wichita Lineman.” It’s not about us, but it captures some of that lonesome yet rewarding feeling. I tear up every time I hear that line, “I need you more than want you and I want you for all time.”

Yep, that was me, for a while. Sadly, “all time” is not something you can have.

I feel like songwriter Jimmy Webb would’ve understood. I like Glen Campbell’s version best, Friends of Dean Martinez’s spacey instrumental is also incredible.

Friends of Dean Martinez – Wichita Lineman