So my headphones were not in an alternate universe covered in lost socks.

Turns out they were in my chair, covered by a lumbar support pillow. I was sitting on them the whole time.

My wife saw them and reminded me I had blamed her, house guests, the dog and the mailman before settling on my alternate universe theory. OK OK, crow eaten. Tasted awful.

But I’m not giving up that easy. I still believe there is an alternate universe that contains my lost car keys, wallets, earbuds and my brother’s missing parakeet.

The real mystery is how I never wound up there before navigation software. I still remember the grouchy old lady I asked for directions once. “You’re on the wrong side of the county. Go back to town and start over!”