My favorite scene from the TV show Taxi.

I swear to God this is a true story. If I’m lyin’ I’m dyin’.

I had a hell of a time breaking into the working world. I made some spending cash mowing lawns. I spent a summer working at an instrument repair business, painting cases for trumpets and saxophones. Tedious and shit pay.

One day I saw a classified ad in the paper (remember those?) that read:

“Creative, hardworking people needed for display and demonstrations.” Display? Creative? I was an arty kid so that was right up my alley I thought. Paid well too, according to the ad.

The office was in a mall, an hour from the house. The sign on the door said something like “investments.” I sat in the lobby and began filling out an application.

Suddenly a middle aged man came out and said, “Finish the paperwork later. Let’s talk.” He led me through a door – into a room full of vacuum cleaners. Same loud brand my grandmother got from a door to door salesman.

Display job, right…

He went a blackboard and wrote down the weekly pay amount from the classified ad. “Now let me explain to you why this ad is not a lie,” he said. “If you sell X amount of vacuum cleaners a week you will definitely make that amount.”

A young man in a suit and tie came in, picked up some papers and left.

“You see that guy? He’s our biggest success. He’s made so many sales he’s about to start his own operation. You can be like him.”

I was too polite to leave, but I smelled a rat. “We have all the latest technology,” he said. “Come here and let me show you something.”

He took the front off a vacuum cleaner and attached a hand-held device. He turned on the vacuum cleaner and the little machine in his hand buzzed loudly. A vibrator. A vacuum cleaner-powered vibrator.

I wanted to leave, but I was still in polite mode. He pressed it against my back and said, “doesn’t that feel goooood?” Was this really happening? Was I being molested?

Worst job interview ever.

I said I would finish the application and bring it back later. I tossed it in the trash can on the way out. When I got home my brother said they had called asking when I was coming back. “Never,” I said. “Long story.”

#Employment, #Vacuum cleaners, #MLM, #Multi-level Marketing, #Taxi