This hit pretty close to home. I’ve been with my wife 10 years and we’re having more of those “if you’re too tired, so am I, let’s watch TV” moments.

We were starting dinner early and I was justifying it, like, we can eat early if we want. It’s not a law! And she says, “yeah, then we can go to bed early. We’re old. If you weren’t gluten intolerant, we could go down to iHOP and get the senior citi-“

“This conversation is making me uncomfortable.” The reaction she was looking for. She’s 10 years younger than me, so she can rub it in. Despite the fact that she’s about to run out of hormones. (She said she’s afraid she might lose her sex drive. I said, “Do it for the hugs baby.”)

I’ll admit to being old, but in my mind I’m just old-ISH. When I get letters from AARP I tear them up. You don’t represent me AARP! I’m still on the young people team!